Well, then maybe he should have married a chick who was into Scat play

March 14, 2008

I love Dan Savage, but I don’t always agree with him. That’s the case in his take on the Spitzer situation (or more exactly- his take on Dr. Laura’s take on the Spitzer situation) in a post titled “But What if Elliot Spitzer Wanted to Shit in his Wife’s Mouth”

Dan’s point is that some sexual needs are so kinky that it could be considered more loving to have them met by a hooker than to burden the wife with them.

And while I see his point, I don’t really agree. Because, in the real world, guys don’t suddenly wake up with a fetish. He wasn’t into vanilla sex when he got married and then, 20 years later, decides he needs to be dressed up like a little girl and pegged by a lady with a strap-on. No, he had that fantasy all along, but kept on trying to ignore it in an attempt to fit into the ideal of what people are supposed to find sexy.

If you want to shit in your wife’s mouth, then marry a chick who is into scat play. If there are no women who are into scat play then at least marry one who understands your needs and doesn’t mind if you get them met somewhere else.

Yes, these women do exist. We’re the ones who are told “you’re not the type of girl you marry.”


This Virgin/Whore thing… it’s complex

March 11, 2008

Did you hear that NY Gov. Spitzer hired a hooker?

Of course you have. Everyone has. It’s the top story in every paper (my fave headline: “Ho No!”).

The main question I keep hearing people ask is “why?”. I mean, on one hand we all know why, the question behind the question is why a guy like this would need to pay for sex?

He’s married, to a really cute wife. Seriously, don’t judge her by the way she looked at that non-resignation resignation press conference. She’s actually quite cute, and has a great shape.

And even if he was tired of his wife there is no end to the number of aides, interns, and co-workers he could have used for a booty call. As sad as it sounds, an affair with a co-worker probably would have been better for his career than one with a hooker. We can forgive cheating (exhibit A: Bill Clinton) but we can’t get over the hypocrisy of a guy who used to punish hookers now frequenting them.

But he didn’t go that route. He paid an estimated $3,000 for sex, with another $1,500 going towards future visits. And that is what most people don’t understand.

The phrase “you get what you pay for” might be true for shoes, but not for nookie.

So, if there are a number of women he could have sex with, why did he need to pay for it?

I think it all goes back to our old friend the virgin/whore complex.

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There’s nothing wrong with masturbation

March 9, 2008

I’m was reading one of those stupid women’s magazines at the gym (Self or Cosmo) and they had this section that tracked the sex life of women for a month. It ended up being more boring than sexy, but there was one thing that bothered me… none of the women (married or single reported masturbating for the entire month.

Seriously?

This either means that 1) Women don’t masturbate or 2) They are too embarrassed to admit they do, although they are find talking about the details of their partnered sex romps.

Either one of these possibilities are sad.

If you aren’t regularly getting down with yourself, you really are missing a great way to play with your fantasies as well as learning what gets you off. Not to mention that an orgasm is a great way to improve your mood.

But they sell enough sex toys in the world that I doubt that women really aren’t she bopping. I think it really is just embarrassing to talk about. It goes back to those Freudian myths about sex; tow vaginal orgasms are a sign of better mental health than clitoral. Having sex with someone else is great and wonderful. The message from society is that having it by yourself is sad and lonely.

It just isn’t true. However you reach orgasm is fine, and self-play is a great way to control your sexual desire without possibly harming other people. Masturbation is safe sex, both because you can’t get a disease and because you aren’t using someone else to reach your sexual satisfaction.

That’s sort of the strange thing I found from that article. These women were admitting they were having sex with guys that they didn’t like because they were horny. But they weren’t masturbating? Or they were ashamed to admit it? Please. I’d much rather cop to going solo than admit that I was giving my body over to guys I wasn’t very fond of.

By the way, guys think chicks who masturbate are hella hot. Seriously. Some of the hottest sex I had with the ex were times when we were watching each other going solo. If you aren’t using masturbation and self-play in your sex routine you are missing out on a great way to spice up your sex life without having to dress up in silly costumes or get into a yoga position.