How to write an eHarmony profile

March 17, 2008

So, I folded and started up with eHarmony again. What can I say? I’m a masochist. But, once again, I’m struck by how TERRIBLE the profiles are for the guys. There’s always the chance that these guys are actually really great people, but their profiles make them seem as interesting as C-SPAN Canada.

In the interest of helping romance, here are some tips for the guys on how to write an eHarmony profile that won’t get closed.

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Adventures in eHarmony

February 27, 2008

“Have you tried online dating?”

A week after the break-up people started telling me how I needed to get back out there. I wasn’t so sure. The ex and I had been together for 8 years. We were in college when we started dating. Back then, all it took to meet someone was to stop by the library. I guess I assumed that dating in the real world would be as simple.

It’s not. The only people who hang out at the library are homeless or old. Not really on my list of turn-ons.

It was in the spirit of defeat that I signed up with eHarmony. 

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Five Signs You’re a Single Woman

February 22, 2008

1. While trying to hang pictures, you realize you don’t own a hammer. So, instead you end up using a pair of heels to get the job done.

2. You consider reaching “Open Communication” on eharmony as a long term relationship.

3. The Chili’s Takeout Person recognizes your voice when you call and asks if you want “the usual”.

4. You don’t understand why your co-workers let the new mother come in late after the baby kept her up all night, but they won’t let you do the same thing after your kitten decides to attack your feet at 3AM.

5. You feel guilty for cheating on your regular vibrator with the big black one. Although, not guilty enough that you get rid of it.