The Spitzer sitch: does marriage lead men to cheat?

Here we are on day three of hookergate, and the questions are all about why. I posted my own theory below, about it being related to the virgin/whore complex, but some well known people disagree.

No, they think it’s because the lovely Mrs. Spitzer wasn’t doing enough at home.

Dr. Laura was the first to bring up this twisted idea on the Today show, when she suggested that because the Gov wasn’t getting what he needed at home, he needed to get is somewhere else.

His wife just should have started charging him 1,000 dollar an hour and negotiate future price discounts with him. That would have fixed everything!

Bill Maher jumped into the fray with his own version of victim bashing in a blog on The Huffington Post where he points out that sex doesn’t happen when you’re married.

Studies show (OK, I’m making that up, but its true nonetheless) that people married 20 years only have sex on Valentine’s Day, their anniversary, and their birthdays. You can hate me as the messenger, but its true — how can anyone be expected to still want to score with someone you’ve been having sex with for a score?

Of course, sex is boring when you know what somebody likes and doesn’t like. When you have learned each others bodies so perfectly that you know exactly when to touch them and how much pressure to use. It’s not fun to have sex with someone you love and care about and have a life with.

Is that what he is trying to get me to believe?

I was in a 7 year relationship and things only got kinkier as we reached a level of trust with each other. Sex in year 7 was much better than at the start. But we weren’t married. I guess that marriage has the power to suck all the joy out of a relationship. At least that seems to be the point that most of these people blaming the wife are making.

And I have to wonder if they are right.

Look, I know there are good men around. Guys who view love and sex as intertwined emotions instead of separate events. I know they are out there. I’ve met a few… and their lovely wives.

I would have thought that Spitzer was one of those good guys. He was a straight arrow who stood up for women’s rights and against all crime. He glowed when he was shown with his wife, and his eyes lit up when he looked at her. They met while working at the same firm, where she was considered the better attorney.

It was the perfect modern power couple. But it wasn’t enough to keep him from straying.

Is Bill Maher right? Are all men wired to cheat? Is sex with the same person destined to be boring for men?

We don’t know the inner workings of the Spitzer marriage, so maybe it was the type of relationship where they only had sex once a year. But that doesn’t excuse cheating. That is the type of thing that leads you to couple’s therapy or divorce court. Not to the Mayflower Hotel.

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