The ex dumped me on Oscar Night.
We would always watch the show together, even competing on who could predict the most winners. It was one of the cute things we’d do together that made us seem like the perfect couple.
Hell, we were the perfect couple. Seriously. We never fought. We loved spending time together. We had killer banter. If you look at pictures of us together you’ll notice people in the background laughing, because we were always so funny and adorable. I loved him more than anything else. I was pretty sure he loved me. At least, I have the letters where he said he did.
I still don’t know what happened exactly. I just know that he delivered the finishing blow during the Oscars. His reason for ending it after 8 years? “You’re not the type of girl someone marries.”
Yes, that is an exact quote. It’s probably the absolute worst thing you can tell a woman. Look, crack addicts and Britney Spears are good enough to get married. Apparently, I’m not. Although, the fact that a year later I’m still single and not really close to finding anyone else makes it likely that he had a point. Maybe I’m not the type of girl you marry.
That’s not the point of this post. Nope, I’m done with the post-mortem. The cause of death might be unknown, but I’m never going to know it. I don’t need to. I don’t need to know what I need to do to become good enough for someone like him, because I like who I am now. If the choice is between being me or being married, I’ll be happy alone.
So, what’s my feelings one year later?
Honestly, I still think that he was my soulmate. I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to find anyone who gets me as well as he did. He was my chance at a happy ending. But, it’s pretty clear that I wasn’t his. He’s had a year to call, text, email or send a psychic message that he wanted me back. That he’d made a mistake. Silence is the loudest sounds in the world.
I loved him enough to put his own happiness before my own. If he’s better off without me than with me than I’m happ for him. Really and truly.
When I watch the awards, without him for the first time, I’m going to miss him terribly. But as long as I can convince myself that he’s happier without me… I’ll be okay.